I was deeply moved by Anna Malaika Tubbs discussion of her book on the mothers of Malcolm X, Martin Luther King, Jr. and James Baldwin. But much of what she said was similar to remarks I have made in my writings about my mother, though she inspired me to discuss further my mother who produced me, her wonder child, although I had no knowledge of such until my adulthood when my siblings revealed their jealousy of me because my mother had made known to them that she knew I was a special child, her special child. Yet I have written that I know so much of what I am is due directly to my mother's influence on my development even though I often thought she did not give me the attention I wanted from her. I did not understand she was a single mother raising nine children and two grandchildren as she worked her real estate business which was only the surface structure mission of her life. I came to ultimately understand that she was a spiritualist (disciple of Mary Baker Eddy's Christian Science) and this was the mission in the deep structure of her soul. I am convinced if she hadn't to care for her eleven children and her real estate business, she would have devoted full time to her spiritual ministry. But being practical, she merged her real estate business with her spiritual ministry, i.e., her customers were her subjects for spiritual enlightenment and many times I sat in her office as she counseled her clients, most especially when they were selling property in a bitter divorce. She had to counsel them so they would reconcile their differences in order for the deal to close escrow, otherwise she could not get her commission. Over many years I sat in her office watching her counsel couples who were bitter towards each other but she had no choice but to apply her spiritual wisdom to reconcile them.
As Anna Malaika Tubbs continued to discuss her book about the great mothers who produced Malcolm, Martin and James, I could not help but reflect on my mother, especially when I used to mumble when speaking. She told me over and over that if I did not learn to speak up and enunciate my words, I would not go very far in life. Thanks to my mother, most people know I actually don't need a mike to speak. Of course part of the reason is because my years in theatre, but it started with Mama telling me to speak up so she could understand me.
Of course I learned from her to combine business and spirituality after seeing her counsel her clients over the years. I've found myself selling my books but listening to people who have come to me with their many problems at my Academy of Da Corner, 14th and Broadway, downtown Oakland. There were many times when I listened to the problems of street people that I knew I was in my mother's persona, but I knew as she was needed, so was I in my time. Sometimes the people would get in my face eyeball to eyeball to make sure I was listening to them as they had no one else who had time to hear their problems.
Often they cried to me because they had lost loved ones to violence, whether violence in the hood or police violence, but no one cared about their slain loved one. They wanted to know why one slain person in the hood or who suffered police violence could have rallies but there was nothing for their loved ones, not even a police investigation. I had no choice but to listen yet I was psychologically exhausted from years of working with mothers and families who’d lost loved ones to violence in the hood or at the hands of police.
Once I worked with mothers of sons slain in drive by killings during the crack era until I could take it no more. Sitting in a room full of mothers in grief at the lost of their sons was overwhelming to the point that even today, years later, I am unable to attend rallies such as the Oscar Grant murder and numberous others that would make me an ambulance chasing. I have often thought about what Elijah Muhammad told Malcolm X when the police raided the Mosque in Los Angeles. Elijah told Malcolm that in war there shall be many soldiers slain on the battlefield but we cannot react to every tragic situation that may put the entire Nation of Islam in harms way.
Mrs. Tubbs discussed the close relationship between James Baldwin and his mother, who exchanged letters throughout their lives. She said his mother was his oracle. My mother advised me many many times, from the time my girlfriend got pregnant when I was 18. She told me I didn’t need to marry her because she was pregnant, but go on to college. I ignored her and married the mother of my two sons but the marriage was over shortly after they were born. She told me further, I didn’t need to get married period. She said I needed a maid, secretary and mistress but not a wife. At 76, I am yet grappling with Mama’s wisdom, still trying to figure out how she had deconstructed my artistic personality, but after multiple failed marriages, do I have a choice but to confess she was right? At this time in my life, i.e., the fourth quarter with a hail Mary left, I surely don’t need a wife but I could use a maid, secretary and mistress.
After meeting my many friends, including Bobby Seale, Eldridge Cleaver, Sun Ra, and others, Mama said, “Them niggas ain’t nothing, Marvin. You don’t need them niggas, them niggas need you! And than Eldridge Cleaver is the worst of all them niggas, talking about he saw Jesus in the moon. Boy, leave them niggas alone and use the mind God gave you. If you don’t God is going to take your mind from you.”
On her death bed at Alta Bates hospital in Berkeley, her last words to me were complaining about the bland food and to get her some money as she had lost all her property when interest rates were high and the Crack era made it difficult to pay her mortgages because renters wouldn’t pay their rent. Alas, I had fell victim to Crack myself and before she got sick she came to Oakland pleading with my sisters to see her wonder child after a long absence from visiting her. I am honored to have Marian Murrill as my mother and will spend my last days trying to honor and respect her for making me the man I am.
--Marvin X
3/1/21
Marian Murrill Jackmon and Owendell Jackmon I
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